I think about God a lot. Really a lot.
Unfortunately I think I don’t think about Him when I most need His help.
I’ve had way too much practice living by the axiom, “Don’t ever ask anybody for any kind of help. Ever. Solve your own problems.”
So that’s kind of my automatic habit. When times get tough I knuckle down, criticize myself for not having solved the problem yet, and withdraw from everybody (or fake a positive attitude, or run around griping and ranting about all kinds of other things) until I manage to either solve the problem myself or pay the consequences for not having solved it.
This is all on the spectrum of self-hate that I’ve written about before. I feel like I don’t deserve anyone’s help, so I try not to ask for it.
Of course that’s not how the Bible says we’re supposed to relate to God. Not even close. God wants us to ask for His help and not try to do everything (or maybe even anything) without Him. And we don’t “deserve” His grace … none of us do. It’s a gift.
So, hmm. That’s a hard habit to break.
Another subject for prayer … although I have to admit, there’s something kind of ironic about praying, “God, please help me to ask You for help when I need it.”
It reminds me of the self-referential conundrum:
“This sentence is false.”
Don’t think about that right before bed. It’ll keep you awake.