Have you ever found it hard to be honest with God?
I do. Which is silly, of course, because God already knows when I am being honest with Him and when I am trying to hide something from Him.
I’ve been really crabby this week. I could point to lots of reasons for why I am crabby but I think the bottom line is because I’ve been out of sorts with God. This might seem like a really dumb reason and it probably is, but (deep breath….) my church is doing a Summer-long series of sermons focusing on the Psalms. And (another deep breath…) I don’t like the Psalms.
I am ashamed of not liking the Psalms, which is why I kept trying not to ‘fess up to God about it.
I mean, for one thing, how dare I “not like” the Word of God. It’s the Word of God, not a dime store novel. I’m sure that must be a sin.
For another thing, it’s not like the Bible is supposed to be Disney Land, where I go to be entertained and have a good time.
But honestly, so much of the Psalms seems (to me) like David whining and complaining, almost like he’s trying to manipulate God into feeling guilty. I feel like I want to say, “Alright already, David, I get it. Your life got really bad and you are having a hard time. I understand why you’re unhappy, and I don’t blame you, but really? Do I have to keep reading endlessly about your troubles and woes? Can’t we talk about something else?”
I know that’s not what I’m supposed to be getting out of reading the Psalms. But I didn’t want to insult God by telling Him that I don’t like His Word. (!) So I’ve avoided that topic in my prayers, hoping not to let God know how I really feel.
(How ridiculous of me! He already knows. And He also knows that I’m not being honest with Him, and not asking for His help when I should be.) (Matthew 7:7-8)
So my prayer project now is first repenting for the sin of trying to hide my true self from God, and then asking for His help in better understanding His Word.
Why does this have to be so hard?