One of the profound spiritual experiences I had early on had to do with my lifelong struggle with self-hatred. It’s a demon I’ve wrestled all my life. I had one of those amazing moments when the Holy Spirit spoke directly to me clearly and unmistakably.
I was getting ready for bed & accidentally bumped a box of Kleenex off the nightstand – truly not a big deal. But my mind immediately leapt straight into a very old habit, launching into a stream of vicious self-hatred: (“You idiot. You are so stupid. You can’t do anything right. You are a blight on the Earth. You shouldn’t ever have been born. Etc., etc., etc.”). It’s a demon I’ve struggled with all my life, obviously without success.
But for the first time ever, almost instantly, that old horrible script was interrupted by the unmistakable and clear voice of the Holy Spirit. (“Don’t do that. It’s a sin. How dare you think such things about a child of God? YOU are a child of God. God loves you. You are defying God’s will when you hate what God loves. You must repent and change your ways. I will not let you fail.”)
Honestly, it was just so clear. I don’t really know how to explain it except that it was supernatural. I didn’t feel ashamed. I felt loved, but also unmistakably commanded to change. It was just such an awesome experience. I am still totally blown away by this direct personal relationship with God. Does that ever become any less awesome? I hope not!